So, a few days absence from writing, but no absence from running. And hurrah, finally some sense of progress. This is definitely getting less painful, a real sense of achievement. So what has changed? well, the obvious things: it hurts less, I don't feel sick when I stop, my legs don't ache so much the next day. but also some less obvious stuff: I'm sleeping really deeply, it feels like a very healthy intense kind of rest. And I feel sort of proud of myself, as if I'm achieving something. And I feel healthier - not so much in the obvious sense of stronger or faster or more agile or anything (too early for that), but instead in a sort of detoxed way: probably just wierd imagined stuff, but I feel like getting my pulse up regularly, getting my circulation moving, is clearing bad stuff out of my system and promoting a cleaner state.
Let's see. I have to keep going for at least 6 weeks. Sarah tells me that's the point you get hooked, you WANT to keep going. who knows?

More treadmill today. Including TWO bursts at slightly accelerated speed this time. On the downside though, my iPod battery ran out half way through: very very bad, amazing how much more difficult I find it to run in silence.

Am feeling quite proud now though, this running is starting to feel a bit more like a pattern of behavior, a bit less like an extraordinary intervention into the rest of my life. And it doesn't seem quite so ludicrous to contemplate dropping the words 'I run' into a casual conversation (even though the first attempt at this - to one of my oldest girlfriends - was greeted with astonished amusement). Also, is it possible that there might have been a slight change in my physical state, even over such a short period? it does seem as if I'm slightly less out of breath than when I started out, and maybe as if there may be some discernible muscle matter in my calves after all. Perhaps this could spread: I remember my doctor at a physical check-up a few years ago exclaiming in some alarm "oh, you don't seem to have any abs". Or maybe the change is just the power of dreams: could I be hallucinating under the pressure?

oh dear, bit of a hiatus in writing this blog over the last few days (too many long hours on work stuff, this big pitch going on), but not a hiatus in my new running endeavours. Friday saw me on a treadmill again at 6am - 2.65 miles this time (2.5 last time). And amazingly I actually did a brief 3 mins splurge at higher speed towards the end and experienced the real thrill of actually being able to do so without collapsing. Very strange, it felt like my legs were going faster than was natural (albeit still not as fast as those of the people on all other treadmills around me......).

Then on Sunday I decided to try a new thing. Had to spend quite a bit of time in the office, so decided to run home - 3.2 miles according to Mapquest, over the Brooklyn Bridge. Three very satisfying things about this:
1. discovery that the route home is mostly downhill after the bridge. MUCH appreciated.
2. discovery that running home takes almost the exact same time as getting the subway or a taxi. Bizarre: those trains certainly SEEM to travel faster than I do, but maybe I underestimate my own pace....Possibly a reason to repeat this trip on foot though - would be a comparatively easy way to fit more exercise into a hopelessly over-scheduled life.
3. realization that having a destination and a sense of purpose makes running much more enjoyable. There was a big difference between running for a purpose (to get home, and by the time I"d promised my husband) vs running round in a circle or on a treadmill until my allotted time/distance are covered.

Anyway, no running today but planning to brave the gym again tomorrow before travelling to our New Balance meeting. And to continue this with zeal - if only because watching the 'funny' (funny to everyone except me....) video of my early running struggles is seriously humiliating: if we're going to repeat this in 2 weeks' time at the final pitch meeting, I need to show some progress. And I like the idea of doing so - progress for its own sake would be a big satisfaction.

So, two days later, two runs later. Both outside in the city rather than on the treadmill. Both painful. Both unimpressive in length (only about 30mins a time). But an ACHIEVEMENT: not only am i enjoying the pride of cumulative activity, but today I OVERTOOK SOMEONE. Granted, she looked very frail and worn out, like maybe she had some disease, so possibly it doesn't really count - but hey, I'm going to notch it up anyway (and it's some compensation for being over taken by at least 3 guys who were clearly in their 70s on the same run.)
Interesting to be out and about on a beautiful day, rather than in the gym. It was amazing how many other people were too: I've never noticed them before. A bit like being pregnant and suddenly realizing 'wow, the world is full of pregnant women, why did i never notice them?". Found myself scanning other runners, wondering if one day I might be like them, if they represent the sort of runner I could become. And interesting too to have some decent clothes to wear: my NB pants and top definitely did their job of keeping me feeling cool and unencumbered (although I'm not sure about the tapering shape of the pants: the slight 'carrot cut' effect seems aesthetically regressive to me. Maybe I chose the wrong ones. Or maybe this is a runner expertise thing that I'm not aware of, maybe tapered carrot shape has something to do with reduced wind resistance when you're a runner who travels above my 3mph type pace.
Anyway, will have a rest now. Early night, and back to the gym tomorrow.

So today I can say 'I ran'. This is a new experience. Possibly I could even stretch as far as to say 'I am a runner'. This is literally true: I did a passable impersonation of someone running on a treadmill for 25 minutes at 6am this morning. But the words feel odd. Like suddenly saying 'I am a writer' because I scribbled two cliched lines of a rhyming couplet on the back of a pad of paper, or 'I am an explorer' because I took a different route to work. I wonder when (if?) I will feel like I can say 'I run' and not expect the person opposite to scoff.

Possibly more pressingly, there is the additional worry of whether I'm even going to survive this whole experience at all. My team at work have convinced me that athletic endeavour is critical for our joint success, that I need to experience directly the benefits and joy of atheletic activity. They plan to record the whole enterprise and assure me that I will be fine, that I will succeed and improve. I suspect that the whole thing might be an elaborate revenge plot and/or a means of generating enormously embarassing photos for the next agency company meeting, but I have no means of proving this and since there are about 15 of them and only one of me, I am going along with it. And to be honest, it also feels a bit exciting and interesting. I don't think of myself as an athlete in any way: would I be a different person if I became one? I'm intrigued to find out.